Its been a long time sinc ei last add in any new post. Reason? Its either im too tired from playing computers, watching online movies from Internet (Funshion) or i just don't know what post should i type.. Cos so many things happened in my life since the month of end April 2010 till today, i finally know what has been bugging me all these while that i don't know what to write abt. Always had been stonning or letting my mind drifted away to somewhere my imaginations that can makes me go mad at times, but sometimes it kinda' makes me feel im at my comfort zone with no barriers to block me from relaxing my mind, especially when im too stress up over a lot of things that some commented its just a uneccessary pressure on myself. But i beg to differ, cos i know where in my life has gone wrong after wasting so many years not realizing it.
Work has been tough for me ever since i left a few companies due to unfriendly environment and backstabbers that feels im do not belong to where they are at. Why is that so? Is it because there's really a problem with me or is it them who just wanna get rid of me despite proving them wrong in terms of sales record? I wouldnt wanna know anymore cos they are taking a toll in my life and i don wanna be reminded by them anymore in my life. Cos all it serves me is unwanted mood swings, creating too much of insecurities in my life and adding on to the baggages that im slugging behind my back for so many years. Grudges, insecurities, anger, rejections; there are too much to list it and there's no point in listing all those unwanted things that causes me to be so miserable in my heart and mind. Sounds as if im being diagnose with Bipolar Disorder but im not cos at least, i know when im able to have a mood swing period or down period, i wont vent it on my friends cos they understand how i feel and what im going through in my life. Im not saying that my family doesnt understand me well, but there are always a lot of things i didnt wanna voice out for fearing of unwanted quarrels and silly dispute in my household.
Sometimes im quite envious of my other friends cos at least they know how to control their emotions well enough without needing to hide it or just lying to themsleves. But i need to. Why? Cos im a person who hates reality and never like to be open up about the things im facing and going through.. But, i always believe that ,"What comes around, goes around", so i believe that i have to really change my life around and work hard for my future =) Yesterday i went for a new job interview and im very grateful to God that my prayer is answered, even though im not a staunch christian and because of my sexuality of being a Gay man, im really too thanksful for his help and solace that i always wanna have. Im moving on from Standard Chartered bank to UOB bank, dealing in corporate banking. Its not something i really love but its something to make me learn more new things and to accumulate experience before i could land myself in a job where i really love it and not always grumble like a granny. Lets just hope that working life for me in UOB will be a fruitful one and not one that comes with extra baggages or unwanted grudges that will only add on worries and stress on me and not giving me peace.
Love life is different from the last few months, im glad that i can finally have some to love and being love back by that person in regardless of my past and he showered me with love without any discriminations towards me. But there's something that i cannot deny : im still having feelings for one of my ex and its been 2 years plus since we broke up. Maybe it may seems cliche as it is, but this is just me, a normal human being who has a thing for nostalgic moments in life and will never forget abt it. You know who u are and i love u still no matter what happens, cos u are someone that has made a mark in my life that its hard to move on even though im attached to someone who really makes me day all the time =)
The Thinker,
notalilboi
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Safe in a crazy world... - Friday, July 2, 2010 @ 5:36 AM
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Safe in a crazy world... - Friday, July 2, 2010 @ 5:36 AM
Its been a long time sinc ei last add in any new post. Reason? Its either im too tired from playing computers, watching online movies from Internet (Funshion) or i just don't know what post should i type.. Cos so many things happened in my life since the month of end April 2010 till today, i finally know what has been bugging me all these while that i don't know what to write abt. Always had been stonning or letting my mind drifted away to somewhere my imaginations that can makes me go mad at times, but sometimes it kinda' makes me feel im at my comfort zone with no barriers to block me from relaxing my mind, especially when im too stress up over a lot of things that some commented its just a uneccessary pressure on myself. But i beg to differ, cos i know where in my life has gone wrong after wasting so many years not realizing it.
Work has been tough for me ever since i left a few companies due to unfriendly environment and backstabbers that feels im do not belong to where they are at. Why is that so? Is it because there's really a problem with me or is it them who just wanna get rid of me despite proving them wrong in terms of sales record? I wouldnt wanna know anymore cos they are taking a toll in my life and i don wanna be reminded by them anymore in my life. Cos all it serves me is unwanted mood swings, creating too much of insecurities in my life and adding on to the baggages that im slugging behind my back for so many years. Grudges, insecurities, anger, rejections; there are too much to list it and there's no point in listing all those unwanted things that causes me to be so miserable in my heart and mind. Sounds as if im being diagnose with Bipolar Disorder but im not cos at least, i know when im able to have a mood swing period or down period, i wont vent it on my friends cos they understand how i feel and what im going through in my life. Im not saying that my family doesnt understand me well, but there are always a lot of things i didnt wanna voice out for fearing of unwanted quarrels and silly dispute in my household. Sometimes im quite envious of my other friends cos at least they know how to control their emotions well enough without needing to hide it or just lying to themsleves. But i need to. Why? Cos im a person who hates reality and never like to be open up about the things im facing and going through.. But, i always believe that ,"What comes around, goes around", so i believe that i have to really change my life around and work hard for my future =) Yesterday i went for a new job interview and im very grateful to God that my prayer is answered, even though im not a staunch christian and because of my sexuality of being a Gay man, im really too thanksful for his help and solace that i always wanna have. Im moving on from Standard Chartered bank to UOB bank, dealing in corporate banking. Its not something i really love but its something to make me learn more new things and to accumulate experience before i could land myself in a job where i really love it and not always grumble like a granny. Lets just hope that working life for me in UOB will be a fruitful one and not one that comes with extra baggages or unwanted grudges that will only add on worries and stress on me and not giving me peace. Love life is different from the last few months, im glad that i can finally have some to love and being love back by that person in regardless of my past and he showered me with love without any discriminations towards me. But there's something that i cannot deny : im still having feelings for one of my ex and its been 2 years plus since we broke up. Maybe it may seems cliche as it is, but this is just me, a normal human being who has a thing for nostalgic moments in life and will never forget abt it. You know who u are and i love u still no matter what happens, cos u are someone that has made a mark in my life that its hard to move on even though im attached to someone who really makes me day all the time =) The Thinker, notalilboi |
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