Its been a long time sinc ei last add in any new post. Reason? Its either im too tired from playing computers, watching online movies from Internet (Funshion) or i just don't know what post should i type.. Cos so many things happened in my life since the month of end April 2010 till today, i finally know what has been bugging me all these while that i don't know what to write abt. Always had been stonning or letting my mind drifted away to somewhere my imaginations that can makes me go mad at times, but sometimes it kinda' makes me feel im at my comfort zone with no barriers to block me from relaxing my mind, especially when im too stress up over a lot of things that some commented its just a uneccessary pressure on myself. But i beg to differ, cos i know where in my life has gone wrong after wasting so many years not realizing it.
Work has been tough for me ever since i left a few companies due to unfriendly environment and backstabbers that feels im do not belong to where they are at. Why is that so? Is it because there's really a problem with me or is it them who just wanna get rid of me despite proving them wrong in terms of sales record? I wouldnt wanna know anymore cos they are taking a toll in my life and i don wanna be reminded by them anymore in my life. Cos all it serves me is unwanted mood swings, creating too much of insecurities in my life and adding on to the baggages that im slugging behind my back for so many years. Grudges, insecurities, anger, rejections; there are too much to list it and there's no point in listing all those unwanted things that causes me to be so miserable in my heart and mind. Sounds as if im being diagnose with Bipolar Disorder but im not cos at least, i know when im able to have a mood swing period or down period, i wont vent it on my friends cos they understand how i feel and what im going through in my life. Im not saying that my family doesnt understand me well, but there are always a lot of things i didnt wanna voice out for fearing of unwanted quarrels and silly dispute in my household.
Sometimes im quite envious of my other friends cos at least they know how to control their emotions well enough without needing to hide it or just lying to themsleves. But i need to. Why? Cos im a person who hates reality and never like to be open up about the things im facing and going through.. But, i always believe that ,"What comes around, goes around", so i believe that i have to really change my life around and work hard for my future =) Yesterday i went for a new job interview and im very grateful to God that my prayer is answered, even though im not a staunch christian and because of my sexuality of being a Gay man, im really too thanksful for his help and solace that i always wanna have. Im moving on from Standard Chartered bank to UOB bank, dealing in corporate banking. Its not something i really love but its something to make me learn more new things and to accumulate experience before i could land myself in a job where i really love it and not always grumble like a granny. Lets just hope that working life for me in UOB will be a fruitful one and not one that comes with extra baggages or unwanted grudges that will only add on worries and stress on me and not giving me peace.
Love life is different from the last few months, im glad that i can finally have some to love and being love back by that person in regardless of my past and he showered me with love without any discriminations towards me. But there's something that i cannot deny : im still having feelings for one of my ex and its been 2 years plus since we broke up. Maybe it may seems cliche as it is, but this is just me, a normal human being who has a thing for nostalgic moments in life and will never forget abt it. You know who u are and i love u still no matter what happens, cos u are someone that has made a mark in my life that its hard to move on even though im attached to someone who really makes me day all the time =)
The Thinker,
notalilboi
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Safe in a crazy world... - Friday, July 2, 2010 @ 5:36 AM
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thank you for the second chance =) i really appreciate it =) - Friday, May 7, 2010 @ 2:27 AM
Its been quite long since i updated my blog, and i apologise abt that cos im struggling to make some things to work out and finally, i gotten a answer why i wasnt that happy after some things happened... i had been such a fool not to realize that he was the one that i really love and im stupid enough to made the stupid decision to split up and i regretted it badly... somehow im grateful that u are giving me another chance to prove to you that i really wants u back into my life and i really wanna cherish evry single moment with u and nv to be silly to do stupid things that makes u piss off or sad anymore. im sorry abt the past but at least im more clearer of my mind after a close 2 and a half years hiatus... and i will go through all sorts of obstacles in order to prove to you that im serious abt us =) it sounds cliche as it may, but i do hope that my efforts will be seen and i will try my best to change what i have to change =| i love you and i miss u and i mean it =| this song lyrics is something i want u to see and listen to the song and u will know how much this second chance really means to me :|
Lyrics to Two Is Better Than One : nights peeps :) The Thinker, Notalilboi |
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The revolutions of my life =x what a idiotic period i have gone through....ave go - Thursday, April 8, 2010 @ 8:12 PM
my my.... its been damn long since i updated my blog.... i wonder friends or unknown people when reading upon this blog what will they say also =x .... recently i have gone through a turbulence of events that really made me damn unhappy and sometimes i wonder why is things always going too hay wire... anyway, i know that life is not always very fair and definitely bound to have a lot of unhappy things that all humans are always grumbling about....well, was recovered from a string of illness for quite awhile but had been lazy and kinda busy to update my blog all the time cos i don wanna type rubbish in my post and im very picky in whatever im typing in as new post...
life is not that good for me recently and i don wanna talk abt it cos its too long winded and i hate it whenever i think back of what has happened and i seriously feels that its not my fault and these fuckers still can claims its my bloody fault.... my god... they are damn childish and i wonder if i were to proceed with what i intend to to will it affect their daily life and work.... how i wish that it will happen to them on the coming lawsuits against these fuckers and i cant wait too see their faces turn into a coward assholes.... hahahaha.... call me black hearted person but this is just me being honest and hope that they remember me for life cos they are seriously asking for trouble to knock on their door and make their balls shrink like minced meat ^ ^... well, besides such things, work is also another factor that really draining me badly as im doing a sideline business and looking for a outside job to earn more income cos i wanna have a stable financial backup for my future use and im hoping to fly to HK by end year cos i wanna go out of Singapore to relax and ease away all my woes and worries in my mind for the time being and i definitely wanna make it come true and hoping that things will change for the better and of course, a smooth sail for me as i hate being stuck in such life thats making me damn fucked up world.... like i mentioned before, i wanna have someone to keep me sane in this crazy world and with no big worries in my life =) somehow its too dreamy that to say such things cos we have to be realistic and not to get to carried away.... cos the things that is changing in our lives is damn rapidly and we have to be alert to adapt to changes and not to mull over it as there's a saying," don cry over spill milk". i guess im going through this stage in my life and its not easy cos there are many obstacles waiting for me to go through and to determine me as what kinda of person i am cos i really dunno what kinda person i am... i can be very nice like a angel and being a sacastic arse with a snoobish brains that speaks without thinking.... if a person wanna test your limits, don be stupid and childish to take up the challenge cos its damn retarded to be in such happenings.... i hate thinking too much stuff and somehow its driving me bonkers and i suppose with besties like glenn, madeleine and jasmine are always here for me whenever i need someone to talk to =) its a good thing i have them or else im like a bloody granny with tons of endless complains.....=.= well, i think i need to relax a little and be happy... but there's one thing i cant always think through : LTR.... it sounds silly but who doesnt likes to be love?? hahha... shall stop here then... tired and sleepy.... nitez peeps~
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New chapter of roller coaster rides in my life =x - Sunday, March 21, 2010 @ 3:10 PM
Some will wonder how come its been quite sometime that i last updated my blog. well, for the past few days i was down with fever and a serious bout of throat infection... plus, i didnt wanna take MC and i insisted on going to work even though i know what will happen should i push myself too hard:) and i was too tired to do new post not bcos im lazy or too unhappy in terms of my mood to blog, i cant give myself an answer too =s ... so, i can only says that procrastination plays a part and i have to admit that being having emotional probs by my side plays a big part too, as they took away alot of concentration from work and my personal life too. but i will not blog out personal life cos i don like the idea of it.
The past few days was like hell also... couldnt eat much but only wanting to drink more soup and more soup.... that was what i can generally thought of... and i felt a lil dehydrated too cos my mouth is always thirsty.... hate fever so much that i nv took any medicine at all... and thats when probs starts to come in and i really dunno how to settle all these f**king shit.... curse all those people who made so much probs to me (generally those ppl who read don wory its not saying abt you cos its the people who are so stupid that they don even know i can vent my anger on blogging.) somehow im not priding myself for being a snobbish and smartass person but it generally lets u have a better way to vent your anger out:) life was not as good and smooth for me cos lotsa set backs and obstacles im facing right now cos there are times i feel like to give up and don do anything but somehow with people from my office that i've spoke to before, i generally feels that there is still a ray of hope for me to work hard... is it bcos of personal problems or just my emotional inner probs that causes me to be so stress up or both? i really don know cos theres too many things on my mind, let's see: work, personal financial freedom, resolving trust issues, my past and hoping that time will fly faster and i will be free. but there's always a thing called "history repeat itself for a reason", and thats the most f**king hated thing i would ever wanna see in my life again. But there are some assholes out there who just love to make other peoples life miserable but grow up ppl! if its not your fucking business and you are just trying to create trouble, then go home and suck your mama's tits or else just to to a tall level building and jump down, best of the best idea =) call me a sadist or whatever name u can think off but im just like that: a bitchy mouth who shoot straight things out of mouth without thinking will it hurt others cos others don care abt what i feel. this is what i called revenge is sweet. I think i shall pen off from here and the reason is bcos im not in a very good mood. The thinker
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- Friday, March 12, 2010 @ 3:25 AM
its been a few days since i updated my blog.... cos these few days was kinda down and busy with my personal stuff and also learning new things for my business in hand... i must say its not easy to really maintain a blog cos i dont wanna write boring stuff here... but still, its about blogging out on your personal stuff and not to make it like some kinda flashy post that attracts people to read just bcos u wanna be famous (no offence to celeb bloggers) cos i personally feel that a blog entry doesnt need to be flashy... so yea... thats my point of views on blogging =)
time has been flying quickly and i realise that its gonna be soon that im joining Resort World Sentosa for a job there... though its more of like an office hr job, still have to follow orders from my officer to find a job "that has CPF and basic pay". so, LPPL, suck thumb and do wad she asked to do lor... cos i don wanna have any trouble again and i just wanna have a normal life and lead a life where i can really work hard and built up a stable financial portfolio on my own, rather than to be a person to waste there life and bumming around... thats so wrong and will on earn the title "useless bum and a couch potatoe". as for me, im looking forward to work in sentosa and hopefully i can learn more things and i also hope that my business booms and i don wanna be greedy but if im able to earn a stable income from my side line business, im very happy and save up the money for future investment:) somehow, these few days im damn tired cos i always sleep very late and sometimes when going to office i feel like sleeping... but i cant cos later bossy will starts to nag at me and say why i don wanna slp early... then ended up i get "head shot".... there goes my lecture should i complain of tiredness.... so i better don and have as much rest as i can:) today was real scary as jun kai (my upline boss) asked me to do opening for my biz partner, Li Na as today's some of their appt schedule is crazy and in the end, her prospect also nv came due to some reasons that we understand but i volunteered to take Sean's touring for his prospect. it was my first time doing it and i was damn nervous and i was hopping that everything turn out to be fine and eventually after doing the touring, i received good comments and some pointers to brush up cos i personally feels that i have not done my best and i will definitely read more notes and have more faith and confidence in myself to succeed should anyone in future ask me to do touring... im really blessed to have a group of wonderful mentors helping me out and pointing out on what i have to change or to learn more cos i cannot forever reply on them. i will still have to stand on my own 2 feet and i will work hard~! on the other note, now it's 3:49am and im almost going to slp le cos i have not post my entry for quite some time and i will try to do it as frequent as i can... PS: humble macho.... i told u i will add ur name in my entry means i will de... hahahahahha... anyway, thanks for ur advices on work and personal life and to ppl who have help me like Des wong, Jun kai, Jasmine and ppl, thanks for all the help i have received in this biz. Its something i will never forget and its more than wad i can ever ask for in this biz =) The thinker, notalilboi
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- Sunday, March 7, 2010 @ 12:35 AM
these few days was disastrous.... having some emo and headache period cos sometimes i also dunno what am i doing in this crazy and insane world thats changing and spinning around the little head of mine... well, enough of sad stuff for now so lets be cheerful and look on the bright side yea, folks?
the past few days was kinda annoying for me as i actually pressing charges against some grp of ppl who actually fabricated some unpleasant stories and i hope police will charge them for defamation and clean their nice asses and go to jail... not that im a saint or someone who is perfect cos i only believe that God alone is perfect and even if i had a bad past, im moving on in life and continue to look forward to change myself for the better and unlike these ppl who detested me to a core that they wanna make my life miserable, they wont get to do it cos im still standing tall and with friends who are actually giving me good advices on how to face such situations, im very blessed that such ppl are still around and i admit i have trust issues, still somehow i know i can trust them for they are helping me, not harming me in any other ways that those ppl who detested me who tried to. work life so far so good, cos im still learning on alot of things in this industry and i hope that i nv disappoint anyone (yet) cos i always have no faith in myself for doing things that ppl believes that i can succeed and prove to ppl im not my past anymore.... and i believe that all others who has a past can forget abt it and move on without caring abt how other's view is on them:) somehow, when things happen, they say its for a reason. But can u actually ask yourself why it happens and what's the reason? u cant cos u are not a psychic... just like me and everyone, all of us are humans and there's alot of things somehow we always wish it hadnt happen at all... if a person were to ask me if i can turn back time, where it will be that i wish to turn? i would answer that person," it will be the time where im 16." why? cos i wasnt strong enough back then to stand on my two feet and walk through all obstacles and only want to find a short cut solution just to avoid facing long term learning in coping my problems.... but after so many years of time i wasted, i had enough and i wanna take a serious change in my life and be stable... im going to be turning 21 in just 4 months time and if im still not mature yet and learn how to think, my life in the future can be wasted down in the drain like a rubbish from the sewage pipe.... anywa, i shall pen off for now as my mind has been drifted away into the wonderland that i always hope to be real so i wont have worries to think abt. the thinker, notalilboi |
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- Wednesday, March 3, 2010 @ 12:55 AM
first of all before i continue my entry, i have to thank Felicia for helping me to designed this new blog and i really like it that its simple yet classy (to me la) and im gonna keep up the speed to continue to blog everyday (if im not tired and able to think of something to blog lo) =)
Somehow prior to this new blog, i had been thinking alot of things and i felt that if i were to blog out i might feel better rather than to keep it to myself... and to fel and Chris, don expect me to blog abt my love life cos i wanna keep it personal and privately... and pls not lewd comment or anything cos who knows my god ma might be reading it?? *chuckles* well, work life for now its still ok and im very happy that im progressing well as i have learnt a lot of new things in this industry im working with and i hope that as i progress i can learn more =). slept at 5plus in the morning ytd and woke up at 9plus, was damn groggy and somehow very lazy to wake up and do my stuff... but i still forced myself to wake up and hoping that Fel has finish my blog designing cos im itching to blog *chuckles*..... then went online for awhile before i actually go start preparing my work clothes and stuff and i nv realise that Chris nudged me in msn and i only saw it when im abt to get out of the hse... went to causeway point to settle some stuff and met Chris and off to work... nearly falled asleep in the train cos the duration to our office is so long =x and at the same time was reading some documents that my bossy (Glenn aka humble macho) gave me and Chris... read halfway and i drifted in and out of sleep cos was damn tired and was wondering if i nv finish reading will humble macho kill me? =x.... went to office and prepared to meet my 2 new prospects and i am thankful that they joined membership and im gonna work hard~! took a train home with Jas and another guy (cant remember his name, LOL~) guess that my first blog entry is damn long winded but hey im no gramps ok?? anyway, tml im having a long day ahead and gonna stop here first bahz~ enjoy reading it folks~ the thinker, notalilboi
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